Life's been okay so far. I argued with mum and sis and have been having cold war for six friggin days. For the first time on friday, 2nd July, i screamed at mum and texted sis the meanest words i could think of in that angry state. I cried for like three friggin hours. Bro said i have to tell mum how stressed i am. I did but that's still how life is. Haiz.
I still remembered how bad i cried. My eyes were red and sunken. I kept thinking about how bad our relationships had gotten. So, we were supposed to have family outing but apparently, things weren't fine with my fam. We stayed at crib and just ordered KFC and Pizza. Haiz, nice meal with everyone. But apparently, everyone weren't in the mood of eating or talking so the meal was damn idiotic. I've been silent ever since Friday.
Mum was supposed to come on Saturday,Speech Day. She didn't come. Haiyer. Sucky life. I even held on to the hope that at least she will come. Hmph. I kept glancing at the entrance. I felt disappointed with myself and some of my family. Promises that are made are so easily broken.
I couldn't believe that i actually thod they'll come. Fat hope. Every year, i hope for at least someone to come. No one ever did. Well, i seem fine but i'm not. Inside, i keep holding on to hope and tried to accept things as it is but it still hurts. In the middle of my mid year exams,i had to have this problems cropping up again. Hmpf.
It's been six days and i'm still counting. I recalled how i felt on friday and these past five days. I felt kind of empty and lonely. I don't smile or talk at home anymore. The most is just one sentence with ten words? Haiiiiiiish.......
I didn't want to ruin the bonds we had formed through these years. Looking back, i felt the pain i've always felt and hid. I've tried so hard to be perfect in many ways. I never did waver to temptations when i knew it broke your heart.
I know perfection is not possible for a human being but that was what you wanted and that was what i've worked for, just to make you smile and laugh. I hid my fears and tears, knowing that i live to make you happy. As time goes by, you crumble and start tossing me aside, blaming me for your unhappiness.
You were there when i needed you and so was I. But to be accused and doubted by you, it really broke my heart. I'm so lucky to have you in my life but at the same time, I feel that I don't really deserve you. I've never really fit and i never will no matter how hard i try to.