Argh !! Stress !!

I didn't have enough sleep. I didn't have enough rest at all. The day was spent doing my coursework. Last night, i borrowed thati's laptop and managed to finish up everything except conclusion, till i fell asleep. God, that was so tiring. I slept at like around 5 plus and wake up at around 7. haix. Tired Now, im finishing my poa papaer. Go home later, study and maybe read the book,'Ransom My Heart' that i borrowed last week and still have not read past half of the book.

Pfft. He's totally given up now. Good, that's wad i wanted him to do. To walk away and leave me now rather than later. His FB is filled with food so i guess he's fine without me the way im am witout him too. So, i better go right now and chiong poa !!! Bye peeps !!!

thank you

Tahnk you for being there but i see no poingt in hoping. Just walk away and avoid him. Im good people. Some people talked tome. Things are getting crazy and i need to chillax. I gotta focus on my studies. Remember the 6 !!!

 Im feeling better than i felt this morning. So, don't worry peeps. Tonight, im so studying maths algebra and combined humans. Need to touch my chemistry textbook after two days, Jiayou !!!

don't stress so much !!!

i don't want to get dependent on him. I've been hurting myself too much. Expecting something from nothing at all. Bitch, you gotta wake up and focus on your studies! O levels and all the friggin exams are coming so, delete his number. Don't give a fuck about wad he said. You have to stop thinking about him. Remember your goals ain and strive the best for yourself.

If he doesn't wait for you till your o levels, its okay. Move on and get someone else. If you have aced your o's, you could live freely. Have a life without a boyfriend. You can totally live with it.

Him

He's sweet and funny in his own way. We just met each other and i think im developing feelings for him. He's caring and he ensures thaat i take my regular meals. He makes me smile everytime we texted and he always made my heart race. He's sincere with his feelings and gave his trust to me completely. He's understanding and gives in to me all the time.

He's like the kind of guy i've been looking for in my life. He knows what i want and know what i need. He agrees to what i wanna do, even my guilty temptations. He's perfect in his own way and i love him the way he is, crap and all.

Could it be?

Could it be the end? Can i achieve excellence by o levels? I don't know but i'm not going to sit around and wait. Babes and dudes, let's work hard to make our parents, teachers and ourselves proud. Now i gotta go for NPCC. chiao hotties !!

Our Bread Garden

i know this is probably a bit late to post about but whatevs. Eunice and i went to a great place. Its called 'Our Bread Garden'. It has a very nature-like theme and a home feel to it. Its a bakery cum cafe so you can actually sit and study while having your choice of breads. The bread ranges from Yammy Yam Paste, Japanese Green Tea and Red Bean Bun to Coffee Bun. The breads and buns are tasty and filling. The food are savoury and the service is good. There are also beverages like Machiatto and Mocha Latte so ckeck it out. Its at Upper Thomson Rd. A five minutes walk from Thomson Plaza.

fucking life!

I didn't get pocket money fo two consecutive days already. Fuck larh. Dad is like either not at home or he's not awake when i left for school. Fucked up right now larh. He just simply don't give a fuck tt i'm starving in school. What the heck. Pfft.

Friggin' emo coz my friggin coursework is like fuck !!!! Stupid coursework B larh!! Grr!!!! Argh !!!!! F-ed up right now so i'll better go !

I'm sorry

I'm sorry. I really am..but how could i prove it to you when i'm not even ready to forgive myself for what i've done. I feel so miserable facing her yet fighting the urge to not cry. I'm trying yet you aren't. I'm making amends yet you had to be stubborn I really am sorry for hurting you mum. Touch your heart and feel the heartbeat. Will you regret if i have to leave you suddenly? Will you think of me when i'm actually gone from your life or will you think its a relief? I'm sorry, i know it's my fault but things aren't the same anymore.

Maybe its best i stay away s your relationship with them gets better. I don't mind if you scold me again. Just don't treat me like i don't exist. Thanks for the previous love, care and concern. But that was history mum. Im different now.

malay oral

well,had lunch with amirul and eqa. Next. we went to deyi. Rched at around 1:30pm and was like paranoid coz we're in a totally different environment. Haix. Ape saje larh kiteorang.

Next, we went to the hall and was like the only the only people talking and laughing. Haix. Wad the heck. So random larhs. So i was third and finished. God, i totally screwed up. Damned. Pfft. I totally break down and cried. And it lead to wad im going thru at hme. Hmpf. Its been thirteen days since i talked to her and im still counting. haix.

So, im at kamilah's crib and trying to focus on fnn. Haix. Oral is over, for malay only. Hmpf. Gotta buck up for english though. Haiyer. I guess i better go now.

Boring life

I shopped at popular at bishan yesterdae. It was not crowded so i had the advantage of browsing through all the books. In the end, i bought two 'Little Black Dress' series.  bought only two larh. Spent like $20 plus on that and my white pen. It's been long since i penned my thods.

I borrowed Meg Cabot's and Nicholas Sparks' books. So. i spent the whole day studying chem then i read Nicholas Spark, The Last Song. It's a great book. Haix. Damn. It really touches deep inside. Haish.

So, i guess i gotta go now. Will update asap. Chiao peeps.

That's me

Life's been okay so far. I argued with mum and sis and have been having cold war for six friggin days. For the first time on friday, 2nd July, i screamed at mum and texted sis the meanest words i could think of in that angry state. I cried for like three friggin hours. Bro said i have to tell mum how stressed i am. I did but that's still how life is. Haiz.
I still remembered how bad i cried. My eyes were red and sunken. I kept thinking about how bad our relationships had gotten. So, we were supposed to have family outing but apparently, things weren't fine with my fam. We stayed at crib and just ordered KFC and Pizza. Haiz, nice meal with everyone. But apparently, everyone weren't in the mood of eating or talking so the meal was damn idiotic. I've been silent ever since Friday.

Mum was supposed to come on Saturday,Speech Day. She didn't come. Haiyer. Sucky life. I even held on to the hope that at least she will come. Hmph. I kept glancing at the entrance. I felt disappointed with myself and some of my family. Promises that are made are so easily broken.

I couldn't believe that i actually thod they'll come. Fat hope. Every year, i hope for at least someone to come. No one ever did. Well, i seem fine but i'm not. Inside, i keep holding on to hope and tried to accept things as it is but it still hurts. In the middle of my mid year exams,i had to have this problems cropping up again. Hmpf.

It's been six days and i'm still counting. I recalled how i felt on friday and these past five days. I felt kind of empty and lonely. I don't smile or talk at home anymore. The most is just one sentence with ten words? Haiiiiiiish.......

I didn't want to ruin the bonds we had formed through these years. Looking back, i felt the pain i've always felt and hid. I've tried so hard to be perfect in many ways. I never did waver to temptations when i knew it broke your heart. 

I know perfection is not possible for a human being but that was what you wanted and that was what i've worked for, just to make you smile and laugh. I hid my fears and tears, knowing that i live to make you happy. As time goes by, you crumble and start tossing me aside, blaming me for your unhappiness. 

You were there when i needed you and so was I. But to be accused and doubted by you, it really broke my heart. I'm so lucky to have you in my life but at the same time, I feel that I don't really deserve you. I've never really fit and i never will no matter how hard i try to.

Keep trying..

I'm doing my best to stay perfect. I shall not let anything get in my way to success. I'm strong and I have to stay strong. He's just another person that comes and go. I have to make sure that i don't crumble under pressure. I'm almost there. Almost reaching my goal so i better achieve it and not let any idiots to ruin my life.

Could my expectations be impossible to achieve? Am i expecting too much from myself when i know i can't possibly make it up there. Its so friggin' difficult to carry on this life when i have a feeling that i won't even end up where i want to be. Haiz. See how it goes.

After doing a few papers, i felt like giving up but realising how much the future meant to me, i continued.